TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher
Success is just like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you were fucked!
Woman’s revenge… – Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. – So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked. – No, she replied, but my husband refused to …
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE) I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he …
WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men… The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’
WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’ ‘Yep,’ the wife replied, …
Teacher: – I killed a person. Tell me this sentence in future tense. Student: – In future tense: You will go to jail.
Dear God: My prayer for 2011 is for a fat bank account & a thin body. Please don’t mix these up like you did last year. Thank you so much! AMEN!!!